The Fear of Uncertainty…
Whats the deal with mood swings and depression? What makes this two factors determine how ones life is governed? This is the question that i seem to be asking myself lately.
I must say that a lot has been happening around me and it has happened with such speed that I cant even fathom where these things gather such energy and moral from.
I know some of you must be wondering what I am talking about here…..its somewhat difficult to let the cat outta the bag as i fear some of you might tag this to be just another post by yet another confused and naive Nigerian twenty something year old….somehow, I might agree with you on that….
I guess after having some failed relationships, i began to think about the other side of life….i thought to myself…..what would it feel like to be married, have kids, raise those kids, be a mother and a friend to these kids and my husband inclusive….then i thought, what would it feel like to actually become a grandma…
I remember seeing my mum with her step-grandchild….there is this joy….a light simply shines in her eyes….i begin to have a slight feeling of what she feels when she sees this little angelic girl whom we all call Jewel.
I remember the sparkles in her eyes when after so many months of being away from home because of academics, she sees us coming home….and I tell myself…I want to experience this joy..and even the heartaches that come along with it…
Twice, I have had the opportunity of attending weddings…..of my elder brothers…..and just a couple of months from today, I will attend another wedding of yet another big brother of mine…..it is always a moment of joy, tears and so many other emotions that will never necessarily come to play on a normal day.
Just last week a course mate announced that she was getting married….I was happy for her…ecstatic as a matter of fact but i was thrown back into my reverie of mood swings and depression again…..and these thoughts began to haunt me once more…
When will the life of this twenty something year old naive Nigerian girl have a certain form of fulfillment……
I know you all will say that everything has its time and season….Yes! I agree! I know that everything in the long run is in the hands of the Almighty God…but I just cant help but think…..
But I hold on to that portion of the Bible that says “to everything there is a season, a time to cry and a time to laugh…..etc….”
