Not so enthusiastic……

I haven’t been able to make any updates due to academics and of course my laziness to write sometimes….
Alot has happened, both in my private and academic life….good, bad and ugly….but I have taught myself to stand tall and not look back.

In less than 6hours I will be a year older…..24years old to be precise….I am happy for the gift of life, to be among the living……but I am also not so happy at the same time…..I feel like a part of me is missing….I feel like something in me has just left me…..I feel……so alone…..

I just wish I could just lock myself up in a room….and stay…..just by myself till the day is over…….

Home Again…

Its been a very very tough first semester. Being in final year….not an easy thing at all. A minute wasted feels like having an extra year….
After the tough semester, exams are done….now its time to face much more important things like project and an even tighter study schedule…..its make it or break it time for me…..this is when all the cards are laid out on the table.

So am home again….I missed everyone but most especially, I miss my mum….haven’t seen her in one full year….feels like centuries to me…..

Feels good to be back home after so long…..now its time for me to eat those mouth watering dishes like ekpang and afang ……..oh yeah!

Cleaning up……moving on and forging ahead

Events happen every day, it may be significant or insignificant. But of course events doesn’t necessarily mean that it is something that involved inviting tons of people to come and finish your booze and food……events could also be personal, emotional…..they could be something going on with just you or with someone else too.

For me, events have taught me to be a better person, they have taught me not to sulk, they have taught me to be strong, keep my head up and look to the brighter future. Yes! Emotional events have taught me alot.

Sadly, that time has come for me, where I have to let go, move on and forge ahead.

Like the Igbo’s usually say ”NKIRUKA”…….meaning, the future is more than the past or present or the future is brighter than the past or present.
This is what I hold on to.

Lost…..

Here I am, wandering all about with no specific place to run to…..I am lost in my own world, lost in my thoughts, lost in my emotions, constantly in a battle with my own worst enemy; myself!

I sit here alone, wishing there was a way out, wishing it didn’t even happen in the first place, wishing I could be understood…..but no, a loner I remain, with no friends but acquaintances, tough to understand, tough to please, easy to love and even easier to hate….

I fight this war with myself hoping someday that I will prevail
I am lost, hoping I can be found

My heart has seen the darkest things….if it could but see understanding and true friendship……then shall my true soul be revealed

Aluta continua

Its a brand new day…..the strike was called off long ago and students have returned to school…..and so have I.
So here I am again…..in final year…..and all I pray for is the Grace and Mercy of the Almighty God.

Disappointments

There is a popular saying that “every disappointment is a blessing” yet I can’t help but ask; is every disappointment really a blessing?
For some, disappointments come with a lot of baggage, a deep sense of depression…..and for some, it is that point when they give up on everything they have ever believed in.
There is a passage in the Holy Bible that says “even when you fall seven times, you will surely rise again.” forgive me for I do not know what part of the Bible says so….although I do believe it is there….somewhere…..

They say when one door closes, it is a chance for another to be open….I believe this….to an extent….but I also believe that even when we have been disappointed, if we don’t learn from the experience…..there is every chance that that same event will re-occur and it will hit so hard that it could even give you the impression that nothing you ever do will work out….and sometimes because of the chances being non challant and careless, people begin to see you in a whole new dimension which is often negative.

Life gives us a lot of options to choose from……when one method always seem to fail you, think of another, if it fails, keep thinking of other methods. We were created with the greatest gift embedded in each and everyone of us….God gave us a creative mind…..and he did that because he knew that there was nothing that we could not achieve as long as we put it to good use…

That this road closes, does not mean that there isn’t another one just around the corner waiting for you to take it…..you just have to be ready to face the challenges….as we all know…..nothing good comes easy…..

Love…..

Love……a wonderful feeling…..a great wave of emotions running through you……making you weak….making you quiver with want and affection…..making your heart pump….faster, and faster, and faster…..

Love…it is a wonderful feeling……and i have been fortunate to have this……and more…..so much more than i could have hoped for….

Deep in thoughts…..

Its no longer news that our beloved country Nigeria is in great turmoil. The christmas day bombings, the crisis in various parts of the north, and asuu strike that has kept students at home longer than necessary.

With all this, I begin to question; what really is the future of a youth in Nigeria in times like this? Decisions are being made without the thoughts of tomorrow…….the helpless children on the streets aren’t thought of or cared for it leaves one to wonder, where are we really heading to? Big questions but no answer

Betrayed…..

At the first crow of the cock today, it was clear it was going to be a long, hard, bad day, naturally I felt this would only apply to the academic area…..little did I know that it will extend much, much further than that.

I got out of the lecture hall, walked out of the faculty, taking the General Studies building route, and then I spotted “you”: the reason why we weren’t speaking for over a year

Somehow things are going so well, I never thought “you’d” resurface again after all that happened, I just felt that “you” were the black stain that spoilt the snow white garment……even though something at the back of my mind did tell me that I was wrong, I never listened…..I thought “they” were right, I only wanted “them” back, I only cared about “them” and no one else because I felt “we” were connected, because “they” became my family in a strange land….everything felt so easy having them around……everything felt so real and so good…….or so I thought….

Then “you” came, “they” said “you” turned it inside out, “they” said “you” soiled the snow white garment and I kept wondering why, I kept asking why, “you” were good to me, so good to me…….and “they” kept saying things, unbelievable things, things that made my heart ache, things that made me cry……it was unbelievable and I kept asking why…..

“We” got past it that night……I cried, “they” consoled, saying that’s how “you” are…..
Little did I know that it was a conspiracy…..”she” had her eyes on “you”…..and couldn’t bear to see “you” take one other than her….and the betrayal worked……I loathed “you”, I hated “you”, I despised “you”….but….somehow at the back of my mind I waited for “you” to prove to me that everything was a lie….but “you” never did…..

Now “you” resurface, digging up dirt that has been long buried…..because “you” want to set the record straight…..as hard as it was, I gave “you” audience……a part of me waiting for the truth……and there…..”You” dropped it like a bombshell! “You” never said the words out loud……but one sentence said it all for me…..my suspicions were now confirmed after a long wait…..

I got up, hurt, and angry, I left, my heart heavy, my eyes heavy, my eyes watery…..
I walked down 11:45/Coke Villa and Oceanic Bank routes, trying so hard to control the tears, but it was so hard…..the tears just didn’t stop flowing….

I headed to my hostel, with my already swollen eyes……and I sat down to think about it all….and my heart got even heavier after I realized that this was yet another case of a more painful BETRAYAL

The Climb

I can almost see it, that dream am dreaming but there’s a voice inside my head saying you’ll never reach it.
Every step am taking, every move I make feels like am lost with no direction, my faith is shaking.
But I, I gotta keep trying, gotta keep my head held high
Theres always gonna be another mountain, am always gonna wanna make it move, always gonna be an uphill battle,
sometimes am gonna have to loose, aint about how fast I get there, aint about whats waiting on the other side,

The struggles am facing, the chances am taking sometimes might knock me down but I know that I am not breaking,
i may not know it, but these are the moments that am gonna remember most, I gotta keep on moving, and i gotta be strong,
just keep pushing on……it’s the climb…

(The Climb by Miley Cyrus)