Deep in thoughts…..

Its no longer news that our beloved country Nigeria is in great turmoil. The christmas day bombings, the crisis in various parts of the north, and asuu strike that has kept students at home longer than necessary.

With all this, I begin to question; what really is the future of a youth in Nigeria in times like this? Decisions are being made without the thoughts of tomorrow…….the helpless children on the streets aren’t thought of or cared for it leaves one to wonder, where are we really heading to? Big questions but no answer

Betrayed…..

At the first crow of the cock today, it was clear it was going to be a long, hard, bad day, naturally I felt this would only apply to the academic area…..little did I know that it will extend much, much further than that.

I got out of the lecture hall, walked out of the faculty, taking the General Studies building route, and then I spotted “you”: the reason why we weren’t speaking for over a year

Somehow things are going so well, I never thought “you’d” resurface again after all that happened, I just felt that “you” were the black stain that spoilt the snow white garment……even though something at the back of my mind did tell me that I was wrong, I never listened…..I thought “they” were right, I only wanted “them” back, I only cared about “them” and no one else because I felt “we” were connected, because “they” became my family in a strange land….everything felt so easy having them around……everything felt so real and so good…….or so I thought….

Then “you” came, “they” said “you” turned it inside out, “they” said “you” soiled the snow white garment and I kept wondering why, I kept asking why, “you” were good to me, so good to me…….and “they” kept saying things, unbelievable things, things that made my heart ache, things that made me cry……it was unbelievable and I kept asking why…..

“We” got past it that night……I cried, “they” consoled, saying that’s how “you” are…..
Little did I know that it was a conspiracy…..”she” had her eyes on “you”…..and couldn’t bear to see “you” take one other than her….and the betrayal worked……I loathed “you”, I hated “you”, I despised “you”….but….somehow at the back of my mind I waited for “you” to prove to me that everything was a lie….but “you” never did…..

Now “you” resurface, digging up dirt that has been long buried…..because “you” want to set the record straight…..as hard as it was, I gave “you” audience……a part of me waiting for the truth……and there…..”You” dropped it like a bombshell! “You” never said the words out loud……but one sentence said it all for me…..my suspicions were now confirmed after a long wait…..

I got up, hurt, and angry, I left, my heart heavy, my eyes heavy, my eyes watery…..
I walked down 11:45/Coke Villa and Oceanic Bank routes, trying so hard to control the tears, but it was so hard…..the tears just didn’t stop flowing….

I headed to my hostel, with my already swollen eyes……and I sat down to think about it all….and my heart got even heavier after I realized that this was yet another case of a more painful BETRAYAL

The Climb

I can almost see it, that dream am dreaming but there’s a voice inside my head saying you’ll never reach it.
Every step am taking, every move I make feels like am lost with no direction, my faith is shaking.
But I, I gotta keep trying, gotta keep my head held high
Theres always gonna be another mountain, am always gonna wanna make it move, always gonna be an uphill battle,
sometimes am gonna have to loose, aint about how fast I get there, aint about whats waiting on the other side,

The struggles am facing, the chances am taking sometimes might knock me down but I know that I am not breaking,
i may not know it, but these are the moments that am gonna remember most, I gotta keep on moving, and i gotta be strong,
just keep pushing on……it’s the climb…

(The Climb by Miley Cyrus)

Remembering The Departed

I never wanted to make this update…but i just cant help it this time around.
I dont exactly know how this post came into my mind but i guess i was just sitting in my room one day and i remembered quite a number of friends that i have lost in the past….it hurts to think about them sometimes…..even though that is the best way that their memories can be kept alive.
I sat down in my room one certain morning and a very close friend who died years ago popped into my mind……I must have missed him so bad……I smiled…..then i became awfully sad….not because he was gone, but because I didnt know of his death until 2years after he was buried. He was a young, funny, vibrant guy who gave love to all that came around him……sadly, he died of pneumonia.

Then again, i remembered someone else, she was my classmate when i was in 100Level, we werent close, infact i dont think i have ever spoken to her…..but everyone said she was a nice girl. Young, beautiful, and funny……she died in a car accident soon after our matriculation before we even finished 100Level…..

Suddenly, memories of people who have been long gone kept running through my mind……my best friend’s mum who also died in an accident, my mum’s very close friend and so many others that I dont even know…..

I guess all i can really say is MAY YOUR SOULS REST IN PEACE!

The Dawn Of A New Day

Its not everyday that one gets to have this feeling that i’m having today….waking up on the right side of the bed, with a smile, believing that something spectacular will happen…..maybe i just got lucky this year…..it is really the dawn of a new day!

Plus One Today

Funny how less excited one gets about a birthday when they grow older. I remember that i used to be so psyched about my birthday that sometimes people often thought that i won a lottery or something. Its funny that even now, that i’ve just clocked 23, that feeling, that hyper excitement hasn’t left me one bit. I know that there is but one reason for this….it is the grace of God! There are people who have died a day before their birthday, on their birthday or a day after their birthday but God has kept me alive to see today and i am ever greatful. Thank You Jesus!
Happy Birthday to me, my beautiful mother, and my twin sister from another parent, NK

The Fear of Uncertainty…

Whats the deal with mood swings and depression? What makes this two factors determine how ones life is governed? This is the question that i seem to be asking myself lately.

I must say that a lot has been happening around me and it has happened with such speed that I cant even fathom where these things gather such energy and moral from.

I know some of you must be wondering what I am talking about here…..its somewhat difficult to let the cat outta the bag as i fear some of you might tag this to be just another post by yet another confused and naive Nigerian twenty something year old….somehow, I might agree with you on that….

I guess after having some failed relationships, i began to think about the other side of life….i thought to myself…..what would it feel like to be married, have kids, raise those kids, be a mother and a friend to these kids and my husband inclusive….then i thought, what would it feel like to actually become a grandma…

I remember seeing my mum with her step-grandchild….there is this joy….a light simply shines in her eyes….i begin to have a slight feeling of what she feels when she sees this little angelic girl whom we all call Jewel.
I remember the sparkles in her eyes when after so many months of being away from home because of academics, she sees us coming home….and I tell myself…I want to experience this joy..and even the heartaches that come along with it…

Twice, I have had the opportunity of attending weddings…..of my elder brothers…..and just a couple of months from today, I will attend another wedding of yet another big brother of mine…..it is always a moment of joy, tears and so many other emotions that will never necessarily come to play on a normal day.

Just last week a course mate announced that she was getting married….I was happy for her…ecstatic as a matter of fact but i was thrown back into my reverie of mood swings and depression again…..and these thoughts began to haunt me once more…

When will the life of this twenty something year old naive Nigerian girl have a certain form of fulfillment……

I know you all will say that everything has its time and season….Yes! I agree! I know that everything in the long run is in the hands of the Almighty God…but I just cant help but think…..

But I hold on to that portion of the Bible that says “to everything there is a season, a time to cry and a time to laugh…..etc….”